The Vocab-Infused Ballad of John Study
This is John Study. He has completed an undergraduate degree and wants to be a professional academic, but he is feeling ambivalent about applying to grad school, meaning he has mixed feelings. Why? Frankly, the GRE terrifies him. Despite the fact that his academic career is off to an auspicious and very favorable start, he is nervous to take the test. Now, nerves tend to make John Study hostile and aggressive, or belligerent, and if I can be completely candid and completely honest, this is problematic. Generally, John Study is so capricious, so whimsical and unpredictable, that he doesn't have a care in the world. But as the witnesses can confirm, or corroborate, that night was different. Oh, if only John Study had been enervated, drained of energy, by his nervous predisposition. Or if only this state was as short-lived and fleeting, as ephemeral, as a passing moment. But, no. In his nervousness, John Study began to yell equivocally, in vague or misleading ways, at strangers. Possessed by the GRE vocab that haunted his dreams, this would-be scholar, this aspiring erudite, chose only the most esoteric words, those known only to a specific few, to shout furiously into the darkness. If John Study had been more fastidious, more attentive and nit-picky, about his demeanor that night, he may have avoided offending the dim, but very large passerby who immediately began to inculpate, accuse or blame, John Study of mocking him. John Study couldn't believe he was being accused of wrong-doing and insisted that the words he was shouting were harmless and innocent, that they were innocuous. Still, John Study realized he was being a bit too loquacious, too talkative, to the aggressive stranger, so instead John Study tried to calm the situation by demonstrating his magnanimity, his generousness. This rapid and unexpected personality change made John Study seem mercurial, and this irritated the stranger even further. So, John Study decided to go for the pragmatic, the practical, approach: apologizing profusely, in a ceaseless outpouring of emotion. Now, unbeknownst to John Study, this behemoth was a prolific, a very productive and active, circus performer; a strong man, in fact. Which turned out to be so providential, so fortunate and opportune, as to change everything. The stranger felt sorry for John Study, and suddenly the once reticent and tight-lipped giant became sanguine, cheerful and optimistic, and began to juggle and smile warmly. He and John Study talked and soon became friends. The crisis was averted, and John Study returned home, falling into a deep sleep. He awoke the next morning realizing that he was more prepared than he thought, and suddenly his nervous panic seemed so trite, so silly and unimportant, that he laughed in relief. Still, the events of the previous night had almost gotten him into serious trouble, and in a loud and clamorous voice, he shouted vociferously, 'These vocab words will kill me, yet!'